Many women talk about dating a “mature man”. What they’re really
referring to is “emotional maturity.” An emotionally mature man is a
man who won’t shut you out the minute things get stressful in his life.
Emotionally mature men are willing to show their feelings; and more
importantly, they’re able to allow the woman in their life to “see” them
even when they’re going through a difficult time. But how can you tell
whether a man is emotionally mature and will stick it out with you
through the inevitable ups and downs in every relationship? You need to
look at how he handles three key areas in his life…
MATURITY AREA #1: WORK
Is
the man able to handle adversity, criticism or even intense politics at
work and remain level headed, relatively calm, or even compassionate?
Or is he spiteful, does he talk about problems instead of thinking about
solutions and how to improve personal dynamics in his work life and
relationships? Compassion and the ability to handle complex mental and
emotional situations without coming unglued or doing negative or harmful
things to other people is one of the best signs of emotional maturity –
and sensitivity as well.
MATURITY AREA #2: FRIENDS
What
type of people does a man spend his time around? It has been said that
you can know all you need to know about a person simply by looking at
the people in his life. A man’s closest friends and peers are one of the
very best windows into his mental and emotional world. Are a man’s
friends people of integrity? Are they doing positive things with their
lives and committed to living a good life? And are a man’s friends
capable of being in mature and committed relationships? Does he have any
married friends who have stable relationships where both partners are
relatively happy and fulfilled?
Men spend most of their time with people whose values they share.
MATURITY AREA #3: FAMILY
How
does a man handle his relationships with his family members? Sure, lots
of people have challenging family situations, but whether or not a
guy’s parents are together is not what’s really telling about him. It’s
more important whether or not he’s on stable emotional footing in the
way he relates to his parents. Fighting intensely with parents, high and
low emotional swings, or completely estranged situations without a
clear reason can be signs of deeper emotional turmoil that’s unresolved
and might mean that a man will have trouble being there and being
present and stable with you emotionally.
GETTING THE ANSWERS YOU NEED FROM HIM: THE BEST APPROACH
You
can find out a great deal about a man’s emotional maturity level in
conversation. All you have to do is start talking about your friends,
family, and work and ask him about these three areas in his life one at a
time. When he answers, dig a little deeper and try and get him talking
about how he FEELS about these things. How does he FEEL about the people
at work and his family?
Get him to talk about his friends and
tell you what he likes about them and what makes them tick. You’ll be
surprised by how much a man will share about who he is and how he lives
his life – if you simply ask. Not only will you learn whether he has
the emotional maturity it takes to make a relationship work for the long
haul, but you’ll create the kind of communication that brings two
people closer together…and builds a solid foundation for the future.
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