What happens when you meet someone, fall in love, and think you’ve
finally found your one? It’s all supposed to happily fall into place
where he gets down on one knee and asks the magic question, right?
Well, what if he doesn’t?
That’s what happened to me when, after years of heartbreak over the
wrong men, I met the right one. Unlike the men who had gone in and out
of my life, I met a man who wooed me and pursued me like no other. We
fell in love. I thought everything was right on track to my happily ever after, so I
moved in with him. I thought everything was all set, and that the proposal was a sure thing.
Then everything came to a screeching halt when he told me he “wasn’t
ready.” Yet I was able to turn things around – and quickly – without
playing any games. I simply ignited in him a natural desire to commit to
me. Here’s how I did it, and how – when the time comes – you can, too.
FEELING MY DREAM SLIP AWAY:
I can clearly remember the night my then boyfriend told me he needed
more time before proposing. It was New Year’s Eve, and I had thought
this was the night. But instead of a ring, I got the “I’m not ready”
speech. Immediately, I was thrown into a spiral of uncertainty and
panic. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I move out? Should I break up
with him? I had waited so long for this moment, and now I felt utterly
powerless to make anything happen. It was as if my love life was happening to me, and I had no control over how anything turned out.
TURNING UNCERTAINTY INTO EMPOWERMENT:
Then something hit me. I realized, in that moment, that I was caught
up in fear of losing him…but what about him losing me? What about ME
losing me? I realized that I could end up wasting months living with a
man – and being exclusive with him – while essentially cutting myself
off from other opportunities and the commitment I needed. I also saw
that I had placed all my hopes and dreams in this one man, and that
doing so hadn’t gotten me the security I needed with him.
So I told him this: “I love you, and I want you to take as much time
as you need. But while you’re deciding what to do, you can’t have me all
to yourself.” It wasn’t manipulation or an ultimatum – it was a way of
taking care of myself and doing for myself what I needed to do.
RECONNECTING WITH MYSELF…AND INSPIRING HIS PASSION:
I had been so focused on what HE needed, and I decided to redirect
all that energy to ME. So I went away by myself that weekend and did
just that. I reconnected with myself, and, in doing so reminded myself that I had a life outside of him.
When I came back to our apartment, my vibe had completely
changed. Now, I was focused on doing things that pleased me. Suddenly, I
was once again the woman he originally fell in love with, because I was
a woman who made MYSELF more important than him. And that’s incredibly
attractive to a man. He sees that you don’t depend on him for your
happiness, and it takes an enormous amount of pressure off him. It draws
him in, magnetically. He becomes mesmerized by you, and he wants to be
part of that.
That’s what happened with my now husband. Two weeks after telling me
he wasn’t ready, he was proposing to me. What had I done? Nothing but
remind him of who I was – without him. My newfound passion for myself
woke him up to the fact that he wasn’t the only man I could have a life
with. And, with that, he decided he’d better do something to make sure I
chose him. We’ve been married for over 20 years since.
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